Tr*mp

He is back. Is this Hitler-lite returning to the Reichstag to have a better go at things? Let’s see how the next four years play out and I’ll get back to you.

I find it difficult to articulate the sense of rage and anger that I have about where we’ve landed. Again. And this time I can’t claim to be in on the action like the first time round now that I’m thousands of miles from the chaos. But that doesn’t lighten this fury and helplessness that sits in my craw after the election night results unequivocally put him back in power. This time with not just the electoral college in his pocket but almost 50% of the popular vote. And don’t assuage my worthless fury by telling me at least that’s not a mandate. It’s like giving me the flimsiest square of toilet paper tissue to wipe an arse that’s just erupted.

I long for an armour of insouciance for the next decade. That’s the least amount of time we’re going to require for the oncoming sewage to wash through the waterways of our righteous mindset. I want Stephen Colbert’s writing team in my apartment to buttress my sanity cuz this is too much.

And in the meantime, the Republicans are trolling us lily livered liberals by parading Matt Gaetz, Elon Musk, Pete Hegseth etcetera in front of us as we clutch our collective pearls to our bosoms and reach for the Xanax. My one consolation is Kimberly Guilfoyle has been shipped off to Greece as the US ambassador because clearly Don Jr has turned his weak chin towards a younger, juicier Palm Beach maiden and asked his Daddy to do something about ridding him of his now former fiancée. Call me up a Greek chorus STAT. (It’s always the women who become the punching bags. It’s total laziness but c’mon, we’re not a voting block so I can’t be expected to have all our feminine backs.)

And in that vein, we’ll be subjected to the Republican women’s dress code with their primary coloured sheath dresses, false eyelashes, and those glinting, porcelain-veneer grins that gives the Aryan race a bad name. The white light from the strip mall Nordstrom rack dressing rooms would be warmer. Oh God - the very horror.

Ivanka will be back with her shit eating grin while giving Gloria Steinem a run for her money and Melania will be scowling at us with her slit-eyed stare while re-negotiating (again) her post-nup. Quick side note, I’ve been practicing her squint in the mirror and my theory is it minimises the wrinkles around the eyes which explains the cat eyes. Try it and get back to me.

I could keep on but this is serious folks. Seriously. Quick refresher: the last time his fat butt was seated at the Resolute desk there was a pandemic, a million people in the US alone died of it, that thing called democracy suddenly got a whole lot more tattered and frayed when he lost to Joe Biden back in 2020 and woke the braying mobs from their Idaho bunkers with his petulant tantrums, I vaguely recall a rape case where the verdict didn’t go our friend’s way, there was damming testimony from a porn star and his former lawyer no less. I could keep going but I’m scaring myself.

No indictments or charges laid at his feet stopped him from challenging and winning a US presidential election. And yet here we are again. Take that founding fathers and go shove it.

I have to wonder: how did that assassin’s bullet not find its mark?